Concerned about his failing manhood, a farmer went to the local doctor for help. The doctor gave him a small container of pills and told him to take no more than one a day.

Back home, the farmer thought he'd try the medication on his stud horse first. The horse swallowed the pill, jumped out of his stall, kicked a side of the barn over, and ran off down the road.

"Those pills are too strong for me." the farmer thought, and he poured the rest into his well.

Later, when the doctor came to check on him, the farmer told him how he had disposed of the medication.

"Heavens!" exclaimed the doctor. "You haven't drank any of the well water, have you?"

No," said the farmer. "We can't get the pump handle down."
***********************************
A young ventriloquist is touring through the southern United States and stops to entertain at a small bar in Texas. He's going through his usual stupid Redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says, "I've heard just about enough of your smart ass hillbilly jokes. We ain't all stupid here in the South."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to the smart ass little fella on your knee."

Thanks was too corny so to speak Cal...............but why NOT

12 reasons to buy locally grown organic food
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Freshness. Locally-grown organic fruits and vegetables are usually harvested within 24 hours of being purchased by the consumer. Produce from California can't be that fresh.

Taste. Produce picked and eaten at the height of freshness tastes better.

Nutrition. Nutritional value declines, often dramatically, as time passes after harvest. Because locally-grown produce is freshest, it is more nutritionally complete.

Purity. Eighty percent of American adults say they are concerned about the safety of the food they eat. They worry about residues of pesticides and fungicides. These materials are not permitted in an organic production system either before or after harvest.

Regional Economic Health. Buying locally grown food keeps money within the community. This contributes to the health of all sectors of the local economy, increasing the local quality of life.

Variety. Organic farmers selling locally are not limited to the few varieties that are bred for long distance shipping, high yields, and shelf life. Often they raise and sell wonderful unusual varieties you will never find on supermarket shelves.

Soil Stewardship. Soil health is essential for the survival of our species. Conventional farming practices are rapidly depleting topsoil fertility. Creating and sustaining soil fertility is the major objective for organic growers.

Energy Conservation. Buying locally grown organic foods decreases dependence on petroleum, a non- renewable energy source. One fifth of all petroleum now used in the United States is used in Agriculture. Organic production systems do not rely upon the input of petroleum derived fertilizers and pesticides and thus save energy at the farm. Buying from local producers conserves additional energy at the distribution level.

Environmental Protection. Soil erosion; pesticide contamination of soil, air, and water; nitrate loading of waterways and wells; and elimination of planetary biodiversity are some of the problems associated with todayís predominate farming methods. Organic growers use practices that protect soil, air, and water resources; and that promote biodiversity.

Cost. Conventional food processes donít reflect the hidden costs of the environmental, health and social consequences of predominate production practices- of, for instance, correcting a water supply polluted by agricultural runoff, or obtaining medical treatment for pesticide induced illness suffered by farmers or consumers. When these and other hidden costs are taken into account, as they should be, locally grown organic foods are seen clearly for the value they are, even if they cost a few pennies more.

A Step Toward Regional Food Self Reliance. Dependency on far away food sources leaves a region vulnerable to supply disruptions, and removes any real accountability of producer to consumer. It also tends to promote larger, less diversified farms that hurt both the environment and local economies/communities. Regional food production systems, on the other hand, keep the food supply in the hands of many, providing interesting job and self-employment opportunities, and enabling people to influence how their food is grown.

Passing on the Stewardship Ethic. When you buy locally produced organic food you cannot help but raise the consciousness of your friends and family about how food buying decisions can make a difference in your life and the life of your community; and about how this basic act is connected to planetary issues.

Notice Shep doesn't have any intelligent comment about American farming or good food for the hungry.

Just socialized medicine and global warming, two political cattle prods.

Maybe Shep would like to send me a grant for a farm tractor to help grow good food locally.
That wouldn't elicit votes for his politics... but it certainly would be refreshing. And sincere.

Apparently Shep doesn't care, but for the bigtime Moore and Soros - mandated political issues.

About a $5000 grant would do, oh, rich Hollywood one. A John Deere, wide front wheels, about 60 HP.

That comes with a promise to donate mucho food to local food banks.
********************************************************
and soybeans for biodiesel. You know, to combat global warming.
*Maybe Algore would like to pitch in, he "cares" so much, too !

Biomass will play big role in future biofuels production
Industry specialists identify key elements in SF Biofuels Forum session

Jeff Caldwell
Agriculture Online News and Features Editor

2/08/2007, 1:04 PM CST

Pages in this Story:

• Feeding an ever-changing industry • Implementing 'key technologies'

Feeding an ever-changing industry
The renewable fuels industry's future is a tough one to peg, but one thing is clear: diversification of feedstocks will be key to the advancement of new technologies on the cusp of implementation.

A panel of industry members involved in moving a step beyond today's biofuels production wrapped up the Successful Farming Biofuels Forum Tuesday, sharing their views of what will be important to advancing toward lawmakers' lofty goals for renewable energy production in coming decades.

While the goal of boosted production and some basic means of reaching that goal are known, how it will all take place together remains unclear, according to Pioneer Hi-Bred International, Inc., senior research scientist Doug Haefele.

"The first thing to admit is that we really don't know what's going to make sense five to 10 years from now," Haefele told biofuels executives at Tuesday's forum.

Haefele discusses the general three-part path that future biofuels industry development will likely follow.

Once that realization is made, determining just how biofuels production will expand in the future will comprise two paths. First, a focus must remain on continuing the development of grain hybrids to meet the growing needs for raw materials in the process, said Joe Foresman, Pioneer marketing specialist.

"As we look to the future, it's clear that we do have some pretty straightforward targets. Without compromising yields, of course, our goal is to increase starch and decrease fiber," Foresman said of future corn hybrid development for ethanol.

He added the development and production of highly fermentable varieties will not just help growers meet the demand for their local ethanol facility, but also help refiners meet their long-term production goals. In addition, with the livestock industry comprising a large part of the marketplace for distillers' grains, Foresman says future research will also address how hybrids can improve these products. In the end, he says it's all about getting as much "bang for the buck" possible from each corn kernel.

Foresman discusses the increasing importance of connections between corn growers and ethanol refiners in the future.

Future corn hybrid research and development must take into account the livestock industry, Foresman says.

Next: Implementing 'key technologies' >>

As part of my sense of humor "reaching out", I have lowered the
scale of complex humor to a very low degree of complexity, so Dan and Shep will be able to laugh too.

Farm jokes 01
Why did the bull rush?
Because it saw the cow slip!

What kind of bird lays electric eggs?
A battery hen!

What do you call an arctic cow?
An eskimoo!

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick-layer!

How do you fit more pigs on your farm?
Build a sty-scraper!

Why does a rooster watch TV?
For hentertainment!

What do you get from a drunk chicken?
Scotch eggs!

What do you call a crate of ducks?
A box of quackers!

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a bell?
A bird that has to wring its own neck!

Doofi should get to laugh too. We'll call it "equal opportunity to find SOMETHING humorous"

or, "How to find your inner funny bone from the very beginning"

We'll get back to adult silly farm jokes after they've had their op.

Surely one of these will have Dan and Shep's dour persona's crack just a tad:

Farm jokes 03
What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel?
Lumpy milkshakes!

What is the definition of a goose?
An animal that grows down as it grows up!

Why did Bo Peep lose her sheep?
She had a crook with her!

What do you give a pony with a cold?
Cough Stirrup!

What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?
A horse!

What happens when geese land in a volcano?
They cook their own gooses!

What do you call a pig with no clothes on?
Streaky bacon!

What is a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis!

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure!

What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment!

Dan? Shep? Have you cracked a slight glimmer of a minute smile yet?

Hurry up, dangit?

Farm jokes 04
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out forest fires!

Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!

What is a pigs favorite ballet?
Swine Lake!

What do you get if you cross a hen with a dog?
Pooched eggs!

How do you stop a rooser crowing on Sunday?
Eat him on Saturday!

Why did the foal cough?
Because he was a little horse!

What is the opposite of cock-a doodle-doo?
Cock-a-doodle-don't!

What's the best way to keep milk from turning sour?
Leave it inside the cow!

Where do milkshakes come from?
Excited cows!

Settling a cow case
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."
*********************************************
Lacking all religion
A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?"

Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."

"You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?"

With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be lookin for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here."

The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, "Are you lost?"

"Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer.

"Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked.

This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?"

Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day." Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days."
***************************************************
Giving away a horse
A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked.

"I am." said the man.

"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?"

The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."

"No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said.

"Here's your chicken." said the farmer.

Do you talk to yourself in real life too Cal, or just on the internet?


Sorry....couldn't resist.

Only on the Browns board, and only in protest. I'm making an anti political statement.

Note: The subject of the thread gives you a hint of that.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

The Arkansas Black is supposed to be an excellent apple. I am seriously considering it for a small orchard - part of our versitile use of our farm.

I've never seen it in Ohio - anybody had em?

quote:

Originally posted by calfoxwc:


The Arkansas Black is supposed to be an excellent apple. I am seriously considering it for a small orchard - part of our versitile use of our farm.

I've never seen it in Ohio - anybody had em?

Calfox. Thats a red delicious. From Washington State. Evidently those crafty Arkansans buy them in bulk and peel the stickers off to upsell them to the ohio people as some special pedigree fruit.

Just trying to help.

But seriously, it's supposed to be better than a Gala, and easily lasts up to 6 months in high quality.

Red Delicious last about, oh, 4-7 days?

So, we went to another farm auction today. Again, it was colder than bullbleep in N. Alaska.

The last auction, we bought a terrific shap John Deere 336 hay baler, that's hardly worse looking than new, and with a kicker.
For 1400 bucks.

Today, there was the same model baler, exactly, but it was well worn, rusted, with NO kicker, belts missing, a couple of parts off...

It went for 3100 bucks.

These auctions are cool, but you need to know what you're doing.

A BIG beautiful Case farm tractor, dually, radio in the cab, etc, went for 65,000 bucks.

The JD we wanted went for over 15 grand. We bailed out long before that.

Some of these people are nuts.

Farming is cool. But ya have to have good equipment.

But you don't need that 65 grand, 155 hp tractor for 15 acres.

I realy wonder how big the buyer's farm was.

Would have been cool, though, to have won the huge lottery, and bought it just to sit in it out in the front yard.

quote:

Originally posted by calfoxwc:


But seriously, it's supposed to be better than a Gala, and easily lasts up to 6 months in high quality.

Red Delicious last about, oh, 4-7 days?

Calfox where are you getting your information about apples?



red delicious only last 4-6 days?
LOL


Go to your local produce department in July or August. See those red delicious apples in the bin with the Washington State stickers on them? When do you think they were harvested?

Any variety of apple can last months in cold storage. There is some degree of difference in the shelf life of apples stored at room temperature. The difference is primarily a reflection of the amount of sugar in the apple. The better tasting (sweeter) varieties dont store quite as well at room temp as the harder less sweet varieties (granny smiths, braeburns and your common green apple) I cant comment on your interest in the Arkansas Jackalope variety but it is pretty much snake oil. I suggest you not invest in any of those as high priced seedlings.

You can basically spit the seeds from a red delicious into your furrow and get a tree that will be hardy, fast growing and give good fruit in a few years.

I lived in Yakima which is the apple growing capital of this continent so I know this stufff in my sleep.

quote:

Originally posted by shepwrite:
I"m not kidding... I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. I'm printing this out and read it in bed. This is the single dullest thread in the history of the Browns Board.

It's plenty odd, I'll say that much.

But it's a little better than how this place has looked over the past few months:

http://lfw.org/jminc/DA/http://thebrownsboard.com/eve?cdra=Y&s=5636085224

Beanpot

Well, my stupid opinion is just that, apparently - it's only based on the apples I have bought over at Sam's Club.

Maybe they come from Brazil by mule or something.

I do wonder if the Arkansas Black is a type of Red Delicious - it really does look like it.

We need to learn alot before buying...

I do know that my Dad's transparent apple tree has outstanding cooking apples, skips a year once in a while due to frost...



Dad says they used have very dark red delicious trees that were blackish and they would lay em out in a bed of leaves in the fruit cellar, wrap em up in paper, and cover them with a thick layer of leaves again, and they'd last all winter. He said they were excellent and weren't anything like the regular hybrid red delicious apples today.

I think that's what a couple places are calling Arkansas Black, now.

I know of an orchard out in Amish Country I plan to visit in the spring...

Goofy bidders at Sat.'s auction - a decripit old warped and worn out hay wagon went for $350. A very nice John Deer hay wagon went for $3000.

Next weekend, we'll go an hour away and visit a coworker's brother, and buy his nice hay wagon for $400, and a hay cut-conditioner (haybine?) for $100 with a free hay rake.

So much to learn, but it's fun. The right tractor will come along closer to spring.

Meanwhile, it's 16 degrees, windy, and the Patriot oline and dline won the game for them again.

GO PACKERS !

It's plenty odd, I'll say that much.
But it's a little better than how this place has looked over the past few months:
http://lfw.org/jminc/DA/http://thebrownsboard.com/eve?c...s=5636085224[/quote]
*******************************************


BTW, we have a hayfield of old grass and some nasty briars, so I figure it has to be plowed and disc'ed early this spring.

Anybody got a two bottom plow?

We'll probably have to have the old owner farmer plant for us.

Ya can't get everything you need in so short amount of time.

That's nothing.

Here's how this place *should* look -

http://lfw.org/jminc/Beanpot/http://thebrownsboard.com/...s/a/frm/f/7246085224

Beanpot Beanpot Beanpot